Growing
by legalien
Summary: After a fight with Haylin and Professor Lupin, Kaedi MacNair thinks over some things, coming to a conclusion that perhaps she's finally beginning to grow up. Oneshot, complete.


A very short fanfic from the POV of one of my HP OC's, Kaedi MacNair. The incident refered to happened in rp with Lindsay Fisk and Amber Stitt, and the ending is left open for numerous reasons. Please do not critique this, it was an exploratory piece, getting inside Kaedi's mind. She may be 18, but circumstances in her life have made her have tendency to be much younger. She was never really able to be a child until she turned 15, and even then, it was only when she was with Professor Remus Lupin, who had become a sort of surrogate dad to her. Once she was able to escape her family (and I do mean escape), she was able to be a child...the only problem is, she's 18 at that point. I think the best way to describe Kae's mindset and maturity is to compare her to Akito Sohma in the manga Fruits Basket. HOWEVER, she did not become abusive, because 1) her own temper and anyone's anger frightened her, and 2) she made a choice to not be like her parents.

Also bear in mind any grammatical or spelling errors are due to the time I wrote and typed this up (very very early in the morning, I hadn't been to bed yet). Thanks.

Kaedi MacNair (c) me

Haylin Daire and Susan Collins (c) Lindsay Fisk

Alexis Renard (c) Amber Stitt

Everyone and everything else in the HP universe (c) JK Rowling, genius that she is 

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I could hear the murmur of voices as I walked down the corridor to the flat I now called home. "Michty me… Haylin's still at it because of my stupid mistake?!" It was at times such as this that I was especially thankful for the sharp hearing that came with being a werewolf. Advance warning of my Irish roommate being in a nasty temper was always useful, especially when it was because of me. Sighing, I turned the doorknob, slipping into the flat and closing the door silently behind me. Shrugging out of my jacket, I wished more than anything that I didn't have to go into the sitting room, where I knew Haylin, his best friend Renard, and Susan, another friend, still were. Listening hard, I was unable to hear Lupin's gentle voice…then again, he HAD been awfully cross when he went into his room. 'That was just as much my fault as Haylin's…I wonder if he really meant it when he said that it was all right before I left?' Shaking my head, I decided to forget about hanging my jacket in the cupboard just then. I could always hang it up after everyone was gone or asleep…or tomorrow.

Turning away from the main area of the flat, I went into my bedroom, tossing the black jacket onto my bed. Right at that moment, I didn't want to deal with anyone, not even Lupin (regardless of whether or not he was still angry with me). Rubbing a hand over my eyes, I groaned quietly. A headache was coming on, which was the last thing I needed right now. Looking around the small room that had become my own the past couple of months, I hesitated. Why was it that I still needed a place to hide when someone was angry, even here? Dragging my feet, I kicked at the carpet as I slouched over to the chest of drawers against the far wall. Reaching in the bottom drawer, I pulled out the nightshirt and shorts I usually slept in. Pausing, my nose crinkled. I usually took a shower before going to bed. Why should I change my routine just because there'd been another explosion with Haylin?

Nodding to myself, I made my way into the bathroom, locking the door behind me before turning to stare at my reflection in the mirror. Deep brown eyes stared back, flickering gold with the annoyance that was coursing through me. "Why the heck do I even care what he thinks?" The mumbled words sounded hollow even to me. I knew that Haylin, while grouchy a lot of the time, was a good guy. He hadn't needed to save my scrawny neck the first time I went out to the colony, after all…or the last time, for that matter. He didn't have to come to the flat as often as he did. I knew one reason he was so upset this time was because 1) I HAD been pretty rash, not stopping to think of the consequences when I apparated a very sick young Death Eater named Draco Malfoy to our home...and 2) he'd been like a brother to Draco, and missed him a lot since Draco had turned his back on most if not all of his real friends. Missing him this time...well…it was probably killing Haylin.

My mouth twisted into an uncertain frown as I continued to study my reflection. The girl staring back at me from the glass seemed to be accusing me of being childish and selfish in my reactions earlier that evening. "He wouldn't let up, though!" 'You didn't have to yell back, or throw that towel…you didn't need to accuse him of thinking you were less than human. He treats you better than your father ever did, even on a good day,' the reflection seemed to argue back, eyes becoming a honey colour. Glowering at the image, I turned away. Reaching into the bathtub/shower, I pulled the knob, turning the hot water on and letting it run as I pulled my clothes off. Dropping them in a pile by the counter, I climbed into the shower. Reaching for my shampoo, I squeezed a dollop into my palm. The apple scent soothed me as I massaged it into my thick black hair. 'I honestly don't know what to do with my life at this point. I want to help in the Order so much, but I really am unequipped to do much. Haylin and Lupin are right, I am too young to do much now.' Squeezing my eyes shut, I tilted my head back, letting the warm water pound into my scalp as it rinsed the shampoo from my shoulder-length locks.

'I'm not really sure who or what I am at this point. I mean, I'm 18 years old, closer to 19, yet I still act and feel in many ways so much younger. How many people my age get into fights like I just did?' Air rushed from my lungs in exasperation as I rubbed a soapy washcloth over my body, pausing as I stared at the scar left from the attack that had changed my life…for the better, I will admit. "Lupin didn't have to invite me to live here with him and Haylin once I left home and school. Would he have invited me if he knew I'd cause so much trouble?" Maybe it would have been better for everyone if I hadn't come to live here.

The thought didn't stay long in my head. I knew where I'd be if I hadn't come: Dead, most likely. If not because my father would have gone too far, then because someone as small as I am and with my temperament wouldn't survive long living at the colony. That alone would have really hurt Lupin. How often in past weeks had he said he'd rather die himself than see me hurt or dead? He really did care about me, didn't he? Yes, he did. That thought gave me some comfort as I turned off the water, reaching for my towel.

Wrapping it around my skinny body, I stepped out of the shower, squeezing the extra water from my hair. Picking up a comb from the counter, I started running it through my mane, feeling a bit calmer. 'I guess in some way I'm an adult, but I still have a lot of growing up to do.' Setting the comb aside, I pulled my pyjamas on as the towel fell to the floor. Reaching down, I grabbed the clothes I'd left on the floor, wadding them up before pitching them into the hamper. Hanging my towel over the curtain rod, I nodded to my reflection. I knew now what I needed to do.

Unlocking the door, I peeked into the hall. Haylin was apparently bantering back and forth with Renard now, Susan's soft voice coming through in the occasional pause. Good. I could get to my room unnoticed. Pussyfooting through the hall, I heaved a sigh of relief once I was safely in my room. Pulling a sheet of parchment from my old schoolbag, I folded it in half before tearing it. Taking a pencil from the top of the chest of drawers, I knelt by my bed, scrawling out a note. Ten minutes later, I sat back, reading over what I'd written:

'Dear Haylin and Professor Lupin,

I'm really sorry about what happened today. After thinking about what you both go through almost daily, I realized that you have more experience than I do, and I really should listen to and take your advice. I know that I can be more than a bit impulsive and rash, but I'm going to work on changing those traits, starting today. I know that it's too late to change what happened today, but I will do all I can to keep it from happening again. That's a promise.

Kaedi '

Well, it wouldn't win any prizes, but it was sincere and to the point. It would do. Folding the note in half, I set it next to my alarm clock, setting it to go off a half-hour earlier than usual. Hopefully, I'd be able to leave it by the coffee maker in the morning before either Haylin or Lupin left. If not, well…I could give it to Fred or George at work to pass along to someone who could get it to them. Switching off the lamp by my bed, I slid between the sheets, suddenly very tired, but at peace. I knew that this would help in making things right between the three of us again. Closing my eyes, I felt my mouth turn up in a sleepy smile as Haylin's voice rose again in the sitting room. I was really lucky to live here with Lupin and Haylin, luckier than I deserved. I'd make sure that they knew how grateful I was to them. I didn't know how, but I'd figure it out.


End file.
